The God of Death
by PinkWhirlWind
Summary: Duo is having a very bad day


Mistakes

by Pinkwhirlwind

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing

Warning: Angst... I have no idea how Heero's going to save Duo from this one.

Mud squished under Duo's boots. Rain and mud splashed as his knee hit. Torrential rains soaked his braid almost before he hit, turned his clothes into a cold echo of his hurt, but they hid his tears. He ran then, familiar ruin - he'd been running all his life, leaving misery where ever he stopped long enough to cast a shadow. Vaulting a wooden rail fence, he left his lover's farm, left his stupid ideas of acceptance and warmth, of being wanted.

The town surrounding the farm, streets and normal people between him and his ship, he ran past them, dodging and jumping, through traffic, around cars, a comfortable stride that took him into the space port. He'd left his id and travel bag at his lover's house, so it took him extra time to get through security. He half feared that his lover would block him from getting to his ship. No one stopped him though, just checked his identity and let him through.

He was shaking when he got to the Wraith, his fingers barely able to type in the entry code. When his inner hatch slipped open, he realized he was leaning on it, as he tumbled to the floor of his ship. Still covered in mud and unforgiving rain, he covered the back of his head with his arms and lay face down on his floor sobbing.

There were only so many excuses he could make for himself. There was so much he didn't know! He didn't know it because no one had been responsible for him when he was young and small, not that being nineteen made him old and powerful. The texture on the metal floor bit into his knees, through the soaked cotton of his pants as he tried to get up onto his knees. Balance abandoned him and he fell over on his side, drew his knees to his chest, sobbing and crying loudly. His cries made his jaw ache, locking him in some permanent wail. He rocked there, on the floor, hands in his hair. He had offered everything he had to buy his lover's heart.

He hadn't cried over his lost eyes, that very intimate part of him that had disappeared as if they didn't have any more value than the rest of him. He wailed for the burned skin and the months spent mostly along, the years before that where he'd never belonged, where his best chance of belonging was to be the bad guy in children's games or the grown up's weapon.

His head hit the metal floor, lightly banging in a rhythmic pattern and the memory of her kiss, warm and inviting fueled the music of flesh against metal because now he knew what it was to kiss someone he wanted to share everything will and never would. Rage and jealousy burned more than the memory of acid as he heard his lover's words about her father. He wanted the unlove of a father rather than eating out of a trash can.

He'd probably come from two people fucking, maybe fucking for money, maybe some guy fucking as some woman cried... he didn't know, but there couldn't have been a good match or a contract, no clan to see that a contract was honored. He screamed, even though he had no breath to give sound to the scream as he watched Solo stop breathing.

His lover didn't think he was worth a contract... he wasn't. His head hit harder. Then he was laying in the barn loft with the little kitten sitting in his hand speaking in it's cat language.. then it was dead, it's body shriveling in his hand, decaying with the sweet smell of L2 alleys. He found his breath, yelling in Clan, that he'd kill them, kill the Alliance, kill Oz... kill them all! He was the God of Death and he was going to rain it down on them.

On an Oz base, his seventeen year old self eyed two guards. He held a blade in either hand, a crazed look in his eyes, a grin on his face that should have spoken of danger and insanity to them. They held their arms out trying to herd him, corner him, like he was an animal, some dangerous stupid thing than they could intimidate. The dots didn't all connect, but his blade sliced through meat, red and fresh. Blood splashed. His eyes opened and he didn't know if he were seeing the blood of memory or if his vision had actually gone red.

He wasn't good enough to touch cats or his lover. No one would contract with him. Clan might let him contract to a child, but how could he? How could he every look a small human in the face knowing he'd saddled them with genes like his? A history like his?

"Computer."

"Ready."

"Run program, Yuy-idiot."

"Running program, Yuy-idiot."

Heero's voice snapped, "Maxwell, what the hell are you doing? You've beaten your head against the floor and now you're bleeding. Do you know how much damage you've done to your hair?"

"I want to die."

"You're an idiot," Yuy said, a perfectly believable 3D representation of Heero squatted down by Duo. "You're as valuable as anyone else. No one has any right to live more than you. Re-set your eyes. Didn't you say you wanted to Ceres?"

Duo forced himself to sit up. "I kill everything good."

"You are dealing with substantial trauma, but you don't kill everything. You didn't kill any of us, did you?"

"Maybe. I want a cat. Do you think a cat could love me?"

"Cats are a symbiotic species with humans. I think a cat would be a good idea."

"Do you think a human could love me?"

"How would I know? Do I look human to you?"

"Yeah," Duo said, wishing his head didn't hurt like a bitch. "Give me painkiller."

The Heero image reached out and touched Duo's arm, triggering the release of painkiller from subcutaneous implants.

"You won't leave me, right?"

"I am with you everywhere you go," the Heero program said.

"Good," Duo pushed up to his feet, shaky, blood drying in his hair. "We'll go to Ceres. Do you think I'm dumb?"

"Probably," the Heero program said.

Duo sniffed back tears, limped towards his control rig. He jumped on, slipped his hadns into the controls. The system connected with his nervous system. "Tower, this is Wraith, requesting departure clearance."

"Wraith this is Tower, departure clearance pending system's clearance."

"Wraith acknowledges." He turned, the rig responding to his movements.

"Wraith, this is Tower. Your system is showing as partially impaired."

"Tower, this is Wraith. I'll depart under auto pilot. The impairment is temporary."

"Wraith, this is Tower. Departure approved."

As Wraith disengaged from the colony, dropping down into the darkness of space, Duo felt... safe. He'd just stay the hell away from people. The God of Death didn't belong near other living creatures.


End file.
